Spread 'Em for Anyone Edna
had always had trouble with men.
It started in high school when Edna,
big for her age, hosted the soccer team,
one by one, provided they won.
Edna had strong school spirit
but the players were not sportsmanlike,
telling classmates Edna was a bad goalie.
She had let everyone in.
Edna's largesse continued in college
with lanky lads on the tennis team.
Tennis players had more couth, she said,
and they certainly knew how to serve.
They would take Edna to dinner and a movie
and she would send them home smiling,
victorious, three sets to none.
Then one Sunday morning
while home on vacation,
Edna took Grandma to church,
a place Edna had never been.
She found the preacher attractive.
He stared at Edna throughout
his fist-pounding sermon,
fire raging, brimstone crackling.
That Sunday, Spread 'Em for Anyone Edna
answered the altar call and was born again.
After seven abortions Edna decided
to limit her kindness to one man,
a dentist named Dr. Throckmorton,
a renowned specialist in root canals,
a wealthy man she would eventually marry.
She admired his technique with a drill.
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